The Chapman Challenge

My Iron Mutant Certificate is finally here!

When I posted a picture of this on social media, one of my friends responded, "Oh yeah? I dare you to watch a double feature of The Beast of Yucca Flats and Manos: The Hands of Fate. I double dog dare yah." They were both on YouTube for free, so I did it.

I watched The Beast of Yucca Flats first. It wasn't particularly hard to watch, just really, really, really boring. The narrator made it feel like we were watching a National Geographic special about radioactive man-beasts instead of a horror movie. 

A particularly funny moment was near the beginning, when the evil Soviet assassins were trying to kill Tor Johnson. During the gun fight, he just started shambling off into the hills, even waving back like, "Y'all go on. I'm gonna hang out up here." Despite the fact that he had no cover at all, NOBODY SHOT HIM. I liked when the hapless father made it back to his wife and was like, "You stay here where crazy people are shooting at us from an airplane, honey. I'm gonna take the car and go get help." 

At least, unlike Ed Wood, these people had the sense not to give Tor any actual lines. It was pretty funny watching him stagger around in the desert with his walking stick, though.

Next up was Manos: The Hands of Fate. I actually enjoyed this one. Yes, it was bad, but it had some fun ideas and I actually did want to see what was going to happen next. You could make a really good horror movie out of this if you had some money.

I had a good laugh when Mr. and Mrs. Clueless were getting all worked up over that painting of Borat, after deciding that spending the night with Torgo the Constipated Meth-Fiend was only a mild inconvenience. Also, I guess one of the powers Manos grants to its cultists is the ability to slap people to death. Fits with the "hands" thing, I suppose. It was funny when Borat was watching his brides argue with this exasperated look on his face, but that might have been intentional. 

And of course you have to love when, after they've seen the altar and the standing stones with a whole crowd of women stuck to them and they know something perverse and almost certainly dangerous is going down, Mrs. Clueless goes back to the room and decides that this is a good time to get undressed for bed.

I thought the ending was cool.

I made it through the whole thing without even finishing my drink. Now let's see you get through Sledgehammer and Things, Mister Chapman.

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