Behold the Hellmouth!

I Can Haz Grant Plz?

What is it with these bizarre Facebook ads?

Yeah, I want a grant, but I'm sure as hell not going there to get it.  Can't you just picture this guy skulking around the back of a convenience store going, "want some grants, little girl?"  Is he even wearing a shirt?  What demographic do you suppose they were targeting when they decided that the ideal companion for their advertisement was this mugshot? 
.

Nice Place for a Back Door

Goddamn Fractions

What is it about decimal numbers that's so hard for these freakin' engineers to understand?
.

The Storm Comes to Ohio City

Known Round Here As Strider

In the Pathfinder RPG (which I guess could be worse, despite the ginormous rule book and the fact that they stole the name of one of my characters), the picture they give for the ranger is a dwarf.  I'm actually a fan of the removal of racial limits that D&D and its descendants moved to in 3E/d20, but I just can't get around the comedy of this notion.  Nobody's going to give that ranger the nickname, "Strider."  Waddler, maybe.
.

Gen Con 2010 Events

So here's the way my events for Gen Con look.  If you want in on the Caves of Chaos adventure, best do it soon. ATHF still has several slots if you're willing to get up a little earlier and a couple if you want to stick around in the evening. I wonder if I should have included the word "sandbox" in the description of the Lightfoot Island thing, since it seems to be one of those words the game-bloggers are frothing over lately, and it fits the kind of "roam about and see what happens" set-up I have in mind. At the time I registered the event, though, I didn't really know what I was going to do for that one.

Code	Title	System	Starts	Slots Left
RPG1009103	Crime Wave: Lightfoot Island	TAG	Thu 10AM	6
RPG1009102	Aqua Teen Hunger Force at the Mountains of Madness	Villains & Vigilantes	Thu 3PM	0
RPG1009117	Beyond the Caves of Chaos	True20	Fri 11AM	1
RPG1009123	Aqua Teen Hunger Force at the Mountains of Madness	Villains & Vigilantes	Fri 7PM	2
RPG1009119	Aqua Teen Hunger Force at the Mountains of Madness	Villains & Vigilantes	Sat 9AM	6
RPG1009120	Beyond the Caves of Chaos	True20	Sat 2PM	0
RPG1009121	Beyond the Caves of Chaos	True20	Sun 12AM	0

And here's the rest of the Peryton Gamers lineup... I think.  Not in order, because it was kind of a pain re-sorting mine and I didn't want to do it again.  Deal with it.  You'll notice that every single Call of Cthulhu event is sold out.  I believe you can still petition Tom with gifts or flattery if you want to try and squeak in. And of course you can always bring generic tickets and hope for a no-show.

Code	Title	System	Starts	Slots Left
RPG1008494	Crime Wave	TAG	Thu 9AM	7
RPG1008517	Wrestlers Versus Dracula	Lucha Libre	Sat 2PM	2
RPG1008507	Oasis in the Oort	TAG	Fri 7PM	6
RPG1008499	The Wrong Side of Pluto	TAG	Fri 11AM	6
RPG1008523	Fly Me To the Moon	Cthulhu	Sun 12PM	0
RPG1008521	Over the Top	Cthulhu	Sat 12AM	0
RPG1008508	In the Midnight Hour	Cthulhu	Fri 10PM	0
RPG1008496	Cthulhu, Round Midnight	Cthulhu	Thu 10PM	0
RPG1008528	Return to Cthulhu Mansion	Cthulhu	Wed 7PM	0

Orange Monsters

Want to know what Oompa-Loompa's really are?  Watch Seven.  That's exactly what would happen if an Oompa-Loompa escaped into the outside world and was somehow able to disguise itself as a human. 

"Oompa, Loompa, Doompety, Doo. I've got another puzzle for you. What do you get when--"

"Oh God! What's in the box?"

"Oompa, Loompa, Doompety --"

"WHAT'S IN THE BOX?"

"Stopped by your house when the cops were away. Tried to relax like it's any old day. We took a pretty souvenir too! Oompa, Loompa, Doompety Doo!"

.

Stare at the Wall!

I've posted this a few other places over the years, but I figured since it's April Fool's Day and I've read a few too many "Old School" screeds* lately, it might be fun to do it again here with a few updates. So...

Tired of cumbersome rules and oppressive storytelling getting in the way of your role-playing? Disgusted with game designers making you write down your character's special abilities? Are you ready to set your imagination free?

Then maybe you're ready for Stare at the Wall!

To play Stare at the Wall, you need only a wall, our game books, a lot of dice, and your imagination! There are no rules to constrain your fantasy, no story to distract you from the sound of dice rolling, and no GM to bother you about "game balance." You don't even have to include other players, unless you want to use the award-winning Stare at Your Opponent one-on-one combat rules. Just listen to what people are saying!

"Ever since I started gaming, I've been searching for the perfect, most rules-lite way to play, and now I've found it! I'll never struggle through the intricacies of a rule-based game again! Thanks!"
-- Norm Bendler, Joplin, Missouri

"My friends and I love how easy it is to run Stare at the Wall without preparation. Sometimes we start a pick-up game without even meaning to. This game rocks!"
-- Jeb Redding, Buffalo, New York

"I've always been frustrated with the way other games try to impose their politically correct dogma through the rules, spoiling the historical flavor by encouraging women to take part in adventures and speak without permission. With Stare at the Wall, my imagination can carry me away to a world where I'm beaten and raped every day, just like a real slave girl!"
-- Ted Pickford, Red Bluff, Alabama

And if you like Stare at the Wall, you'll love what our line of quality role-playing aids can do for your game!

• Stare at the Wall Folding Chairs ($179.99 for a set of three)
• Stare at the Wall Collapsible Privacy Fence ($643.50) - includes "I'm not catatonic; I'm just Staring at the Wall" placard.
• Stare at the Wall Eyedrops ($29.75)
• Stare at the Wall Vinyl Bib ($22.50) - a must for all you droolers!
• Stare at the Wall Removable Wall Cover Set ($163.50) - 5 hypnagogic patterns to get your game going!

Keep an eye out for our variant Stare at the Dice rules and our new boxed set, Stare at the Wall and Masturbate (batteries not included), coming soon!

---

*Not that I'm categorically opposed to "Old School."  Some good stuff has come of it.